So another week begins when M goes back to work and I am left alone with the baby. On the surface of it, things look appealing: she feeds, she cries, she sleeps; I catch up on chores, I surf the net, I read, I generally potter. But those are the very things that become boring when they are all you can do. No one warned me how monotonous life can be looking after a newborn. Dare I say that it is mind numbing? I am used to a life of constant mental stimulation, of physical freedom, of variety, and this is the opposite of what I am used to.
Yesterday something wonderful happened: we got a first glimpse of a smile. Not a full on smile as such, but a softening of her features, the spreading of her mouth, a glint in her eye and that first look of happiness and recognition at seeing us. I wonder if it gets better - that when she starts being able to express her emotions more, becomes more interactive and able to play without crying, that I won't see motherhood as tedious anymore? That motherhood will become natural to me? That I will finally have that elusive maternal instinct? That I will stop thinking on an hourly basis that I want to pay for a nanny?
It took me a long time to summon the nerve to write this post, as admitting that motherhood can be tedious is not something people like to hear. But I want this blog to be honest and record the lows as well as the highs of life with Little Planet.