Tuesday, June 26, 2007


I only popped into DKNY on Old Bond Street during my lunch break to buy a throw to wear over my sleeveless dress at my husband's company party this week. The weather is all over the place - one minute it is bright and sunny and literally the next minute it is raining hard. But then I saw "Sale" emblazoned across the windows of nearby Nicole Farhi and couldn't resist. I came away with three more tops. An expensive lunch break and I feel a little guilty at having flexed my credit card so vigorously. I try and tell myself, "Their clothes fit me so perfectly and the material feels so great against my skin!" and repeat it like a mantra. Then I tell myself, "I'm a grown woman, I earn my own money, I work hard." Now work is over and I'm back home trying on my purchases and showing them off to my husband and I feel great. I used to spend loads on clothes that rarely lasted out the year. A false economy. Then I met my husband whose wardrobe is filled with designer clothes that have lasted years. Nowadays, I rarely splurge on clothes but when I do, I do so in the knowledge that they'll keep a long, long time.

Here's an interesting article I read today:
Bridget Jones? She's got it easy
"Since when did skin shade, religion and the prospect of living with your in-laws become a concern for educated, career women looking for Mr Right? For British Asian females, who are facing a shrinking pool of eligible men, Bridget Jones had it easy."

I'm lucky in that I had little pressure, both from myself or my parents, as to whom I should settle down with. My parents are non-religious and at no time did they stipulate I should marry "within my culture". There were pressures of course - as I had a PhD and a good job, they wanted me to marry someone who was my equal academically and professionally. However, I know in my heart they would have accepted my husband even if he hadn't been a lawyer with a science PhD from Oxford - so long as he was "a good boy".

But a friend of mine is really struggling to find a boyfriend let alone a husband. She's from a strict Muslim family and although she is a Cambridge PhD, a scientist and living away from home, she is completely obsessed and stressed out by her pursuit for the ideal man. She grills every man she meets and assesses him for marriage potential. He must be a Muslim, he must be Bengali, he must be highly educated, he must come from a good family, he must want children, he must have a good job, he must, he must, he must... She can never relax not even for a second. She is always fighting with her parents but at the same time she wants to please them. Moreover, she agrees with them that marrying within her faith and culture is important. It means the pool of men available to her is very narrow and shallow indeed. It amazes me she hasn't broken down with a nervous breakdown yet.


Broom said...

story of our lives - wanting to please our parents and still wanting to do what makes us happy.
sadly those are nearly always contradictory.

Planethalder said...

I know. I'm lucky than most, fortunately. My parents have never been typical Indian parents and have always given me alot of freedom.