Typical day # 2

• Little Planet's last feed was at 9.30pm the previous night. She awakes at 1am for a feed and then falls asleep.
  
  
• She awakes at 4am and M feeds her. She's asleep by 4.30am.
  
  
• She wakes for a feed at 7am and we play with her a little on the changing mat. She's asleep by 8am.
  
  
• She's awake by 10.30am for a feed and I play with her a little on the changing mat. She's asleep by 11.30am.
  
  
• She's awake at 1pm but cannot sleep even though she wants to and can't stop crying as she has a griping pain. In between bouts of crying, we play under the Baby Einstein activity gym and this distracts her from her discomfort for an hour.
  
  
• She starts her painful crying again. She has another feed. I take her out in the buggy. This usually calms her, but not today. She cries on and off for the 30 minute trip to and around and back from the park, and when I return home I am so stressed that I call M and ask him to look up the cost of hiring a part-time nanny. I tell him I give up, that I do not have the patience, stamina, or good heart to look after a newborn.
  
  
• Alone with a crying Little P in my arms, I cry too - not just because I cannot cope, but because I can't alleviate whatever pain or discomfort she is suffering from. Rationally, I know this will pass - that around 10-12 weeks her digestive system will mature and the crying will stop. But I think to myself, Can I cope for another few months of this?
  
  
• I email my antenatal friends - all professional women - who say they too wish they could be back at work.
  
  
• 5pm I give her a feed. She sleeps for an hour in my arms as I watch my new TV addiction the Gilmore Girls. I look down at her perfect face and body, now momentarily calm, and cry again because I love her so intensely and want only for her to be happy and comfortable.
  
  
• M returns home early and feeds her at 7pm. He tries to rock her to sleep and it takes a while but she sleeps a little as we eat dinner - he made pasta with oven-roasted cherry tomatoes, black olives, feta and home-grown thyme. I glug down my wine. Every inch of my body is aching from rocking and carrying and soothing her all day.
  
  
• But by 10pm, she is still crying. M has taken over for the night so I can sleep. He is a star as his working days are always intense and he will have to work all day on Sunday. He finally gets her to sleep after midnight.
  
  
• Today is Saturday. Every inch of my body is still aching and I have a headache. M is jogging round the park and then will pick up breakfast. Little P is asleep in her rocking cradle as I type this. If all things go well - if she doesn't cry relentlessly - then the three of us will go shopping and stroll around the park. Then I will head off into town alone to catch a movie (hopefully Sex And The City) and do some shopping in Soho and generally relax as M looks after our baby for the day. I will miss her intensely but I am so looking forward to my "day off".

Our little baby is 3 weeks old today. Here is one of our magical moments from yesterday, despite the drama.