Poor little thing. What she really wants is to be rocked to sleep in our arms and for us to never let her go - she wants to be close to us and feel our warmth and be reassured that we are always here for her. We try and do this the best we can but shoulders begin to hurt and backs begin to ache as we find ourselves rocking her or swaying with her for an hour. But as soon as we see her eyes flicker shut and we try and lay her down, she awakes and screams. Not all the time, but enough of the time for us to frantically seek some respite: we pop her into the swinging cradle or a sling, but we're not keen to keep her in these for too long as we think their usage might inhibit her night time sleeps in the moses basket. And surely the swing cradle and sling can't be good for her little body for long durations?
We are lucky in that she still has some 3 to 4 hour blocks of continuous sleep in a 24 hour cycle for us not to feel absolutely shattered, but there are moments when M and I look at each other and recognise shell-shock in each other’s eyes.
She's been out in this world for just 2 weeks tomorrow. No wonder it is all so scary and distressing for her. No wonder she wants only to be fed, and loved and kept protected.
But joy of joys, we took her out in her buggy for the first time yesterday - out and about to the shops for an hour during which she slept and M and I felt refreshed. Today we went to the park. The trick is to get her into her buggy when she's sleepy and can't fuss too much. I am so looking forward to the day when I can take her in her buggy or sling on the Tube and into town - if only for an hour or two's stroll around a gallery or the shops.
Other 2 week notes:
- Little P is fascinated by... light and dark shadows on the wall, her black and white hi-contrast pictures and Mr Whoozit toy, our faces, my hair, the hair dryer, any blank wall (what does she see there?), her rattle, the view outside through the window onto the garden.
- She seems nonplussed by music - even lullabies. But she seems to enjoy me singing nursery rhymes to her.
- I feel guilty when I realise that I hurry Little P’s feed and burping time in order to get her to sleep so I can resume my own life for a few hours.
- And we are managing “me time”: we’re watching TV and movies on DVD (albeit sometimes only half a movie at a time); we’re cooking – homemade pizzas for dinner one night, homemade chicken and mushroom pie another – and have resorted to takeaways just once since we’ve been home; we’re reading magazines other than baby magazines (well, M more than I); we're surfing online; we’re remembering to take time out just to cuddle – just the two of us.
- New mummy lessons for me to learn: be patient; stop clock watching; be fully there for her when she's awake.
Thank you all for your lovely comments. Please do not be offended if I do not reply at the moment; I still enjoy reading them so please keep them coming.