Home alone

My mother-in-law left this afternoon. She's been with staying with me for seven days. M has been away ten days already and will finally return from the States on Saturday. A total of just twelve days away from home and yet I've felt all the more lonely because I've felt more vulnerable being alone with the baby. But women do this all the time - look after their babies on their own night after night and day after day. And I know Little Planet is in safe hands. But it helps my sanity enormously knowing M will be back soon. In 36 hours, in fact. As M pointed out via text this evening. For he is also counting down the days. He knows his daughter has changed alot in the short time he has been away. He knows that she is holding small things in her hands for longer, communicating more with a wider range of sounds, observing things for longer periods of time, smiling and grinning more freely both at people and at her favourite toys and books. He can't wait to see her on Saturday.

It was wonderful having my mother-in-law here in my home helping me look after the baby. She raised three children of her own and has, down the years, looked after many more. I learned alot from her experience. I had been worrying about how to occupy Little Planet with endless rounds of entertainment and activities as she stays awake more during the day and my mother-in-law demonstrated daily that the best activity for Little Planet was to have her sit in the same room as us and simply watch us or engage with us - without books, without toys, without fancy activity mats. And I was amazed to see how long Little P could sit in her bouncy chair or on my lap or on the rug simply watching us go about our daily activities and interacting with us.

Having M's mother here also enabled me to take some time out and go into town alone and indulge in some me-time. During her stay I...

• Spent an afternoon getting my hair done at the Aveda Institute on High Holborn
• Strolled through Hyde Park
• Saw the Richard Prince exhibition at the Serpentine gallery
• Ate tempura, simmered vegetables and chicken, sashimi and miso soup at the basement Mitsukoshi restaurant on Lower Regent Street
• Watched the light and frothy Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day movie at the smelly cinema on Haymarket
• Saw the tender Indonesian movie The Photograph at the Renoir, about the platonic relationship between a prostitute and a terminally ill studio photographer
• Explored the supremely elegant and unaffected collection of Korean ceramics, metalwork and porcelain at the British Museum

All the time I was out and about on my own, I didn't consciously think about Little Planet all the time, but I was constantly aware of her presence in my life - if that makes sense. And though she has been in my life for nearly three months now - twelve months if you count her days in my womb - I am still amazed that I am a mother. I visit art galleries, go out for meals, see interesting movies, browse museum collections... I am still the Planethalder of old, and yet I am also Little Planet's mother now.

Amazing.