Zesty lemon and sultana muffins

It's been a while since I've posted a recipe on Planethalder, which is ludicrous really considering how much we cook at home and how much time I've had to post since I've been on maternity leave. To atone for my laziness, here is my recipe for 6 zesty lemon and sultana muffins, which I made this wet and windy Bank Holiday Monday afternoon. The basic muffin recipe has been honed (for example, I used to use 100g of ground almonds but found adding, instead, 50g of ground almonds and 50g of plain flour lightened the muffin considerably while still keeping it moist). And you can then add any variety of filling or flavouring to this. If you add frosting or icing you have a cupcake! So versatile.

Basic muffin mix:
150ml natural yoghurt
3 eggs, beaten
175g caster sugar
140g self-raising flour
1tsp baking powder
50g ground almonds
50g plain flour
175g unsalted butter, melted
Pinch salt
Half tsp vanilla essence

Filling:
Zest and juice of two lemons
Large handful of sultanas

1. Pre-heat oven to 190C/170C Fan/Gas 5
2. Line 6-hole muffin tin with paper cases or use silicone muffin tin
3. Mix together yoghurt, eggs, vanilla, melted butter, lemon zest and juice
4. In big bowl, mix together all dry ingredients, including sultanas, and make a well in the middle
5. Pour in wet ingredients into the well and quickly but gently fold with a metal spoon or spatula taking care not to overwork it
6. Spoon into the muffin tin (each hole will be quite full) and bake for 18-20 minutes or until golden, risen and springy to the touch
7. Take out of the oven and allow to rest for a few minutes. They are lovely eaten warm but they can be cooled completely and frozen or eaten within 3 days if left in the fridge

New beginnings

I'm sitting in the Aveda Institute on High Holborn having sublime things done to my hair when I get some texts. Two of the women in my antenatal group whose babies were due 28th and 29th May respectively have already given birth. Early. Unexpectedly. I am next in line at 3rd June. But it could obviously happen any time. Gulp. I am very nervous and a little frightened to be honest. About the birth, of course. But also about how dramatically my life as I've known it is about to change...

38 weeks

In direct contrast to a previous post, the last few days have been much, much better. I have had more energy and fewer naps. I don't know what it is - perhaps it's the cooling of the weather.

...I have eaten cupcakes bought home by M from Candy Cakes in Covent Garden and then been inspired to bake my own vanilla cupcakes dressed with butter icing and violet flowers (above) as well as butter scones, which we demolished over the weekend.

...I have slow-cooked ratatouille for my mother-in-law and sister-in-law and enjoyed an evening eating it with them before they crossed the waters to Portugal for a week's spa break.

...I have slow-cooked a courgette, cherry tomato, ricotta and lemon sauce for orecchiette pasta for M.

...I have eaten a scrumptious Indian meal cooked by M from Madhur Jaffrey's comprehensive Ultimate Curry Bible: Cauliflower gosht (above) and lamb in a mustard seed sauce.

...I have spent many an hour preparing our bedroom, as it is shaping up to be a Zen haven with a lovely corner just for the baby (above with moses basket, baby changing unit, and armchair and footstool for holding and feeding her and singing to her), for she will sleep in our room for her first few months before we move her to the nursery. I can see myself and Little Planet spending most of our hours in this heavenly corner.

...I have finished reading Mavis Cheek's witty and sardonic Yesterday's Houses and started reading Penelope Lively's City Of The Mind; I have thrilled to both Boy Child and Climate Of The Hunter by Scott Walker, whose sexy deep vibrato seems to always set Little Planet off, and have also been enjoying Madonna's Hard Candy and Nick Cave's Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!!; and I have swooned to Katherine Hepburn in the magical movie Summertime.

...I have hosted a coffee morning for some of the mums-to-be from my antenatal class and enjoyed the company of these women who range from civil servants and researchers to TV and music producers.

...Here's my bump at 36 weeks - 2 weeks ago. I don't know why my wrist looks so strange here; must be the overhead lighting...

...I have perused online for terracotta pots and herbs to grow in our garden, plus ideas for growing a Japanese garden.

...I have been weirdly excited by a phone call from a client who hadn't realised I was on maternity leave. It made me miss work.

...I have craved, just for a couple of days thankfully, bland ready-made curries and samosas and quiches and potato salads and cheap chocolate mousse from the supermarket, which was strange as thus far in my pregnancy I had only craved milk and fruit (perhaps why I have only put on 15lbs in weight to date - I thought I would put on much more, but really the only thing that has gotten bigger on my body has been my stomach).

...I've bought more clothes for the baby from Green Baby (and her first teddy bear from Mothercare)...

...With women in my antenatal class beginning to go into labour now, I have written my birth plan and begun packing my hospital bag just in case.

Post for Ma

My mum wrote me an email in response to my previous post. She said she felt sad that I was feeling bored and unwell and that she couldn't help me. So I emailed her back:

Hi Ma,

Don't be sad. Today, remarkably, I felt much better. I didn't sleep once in fact and had lots of energy. I think it helped that the weather was much cooler today, which makes me feel more energetic.

I think my boredom is mostly due to excitement and impatience - we have bought everything for the baby now and I have read all I want to about birth and looking after a newborn. Now I just want her to arrive so I can enjoy her and begin the next chapter of my life.


Lots of love,
xxx

Off-loading

Let it be noted, that at 37 weeks and 4 days, I am now officially bored of being pregnant. Yes, I am seeing family and meeting up with new friends from my antenatal class, I am dreaming of the baby, I am reading and sitting in the garden and buying baby things. But I am too big, too inflexible, too tired, too hot and too nauseous to enjoy anything now. Today, all I could do was sleep all day and feel nauseous and it was boring. I want M to stay at home so he can keep me company, so he can keep my mind off things, so he can be the person I can whinge and whine to to my heart's content. As afraid as I am of the birth, I just want her to be born now.

37 weeks

• Saturday was spent wandering around the brilliant China Design Now and Blood On Paper exhibitions at the Victoria & Albert Museum; buying assorted green teas and Indian chai tea and chatting away to the owner about, you guessed it, tea at Postcard Teas; eating masala dosa and nair dosa (filled with a mixture of potatoes, beetroot, carrot, onions and ginger) at Keralan restaurant Rasa W1 next door; shopping for soap at Liberty and food provisions on Brewer Street - Japanese at Arigato, Italian at Lina Stores, salads at Fresh & Wild; stocking up on armfuls of paperback fiction at Waterstone's on Piccadilly - Carol Shields, Mavis Cheek, Ann Packer, Jane Smiley, Saul Bellow, Penelope Lively, Nikita Lalwani and Rumer Godden - to read when breastfeeding, though I'm already engrossed in the Mavis Cheek novel.
  
  
• As lovely and stimulating a day as it had been, it was a relief to get back home, to be honest, and sit down to a lovely meal cooked by M of grilled mackerel fillets and zesty green and red salad. For by the end of the day I was exhausted and realised this was the last busy Saturday I can have until after the birth. Next week I'll be staying closer to home - ideally in my home. My pelvis aches more, I'm getting more frequent Braxton Hicks and period-like cramps, I'm getting looser motions, and frankly it's too hot for me now.
  
  
• As we came home, we chatted briefly with one of our immediate neighbours. They also work in the City and have a 16 month old toddler and the woman was recommending good local nurseries. The best one, apparently, is at the end of our road and though we are in the "catchment area", it has a "strict selection criteria". For nursery. Uh-oh, it's all begun. Now I am worrying whether we will meet the selection criteria, whatever that is, and Little Planet hasn't even been born!
  
  
• Sunday was spent sitting in the garden, reading and watching M do some gardening. We want to plant herbs and jasmine and vegetables so he was weeding and preparing the beds. M spends his weeks (and many a weekend) working hard as a lawyer in the City, but despite the little free time he has, he finds cooking and now gardening (and wandering around galleries) the perfect form of stress relief. Lucky for me. But I did my fair share of cooking last week - aubergines and chickpeas in a spicy tomato sauce, and a red lentil dahl. This week I plan on cooking risotto with borlotti beans, peas and courgettes, a spinach and paneer curry, and some orecchiette with rocket and walnut pesto and cherry tomatoes. To end the day, M cooked homemade pizzas - he even made the base from scratch - with toppings of mozzarella, artichokes, tomatoes and anchovies and we ate them in front of Heroes, Season 1.
  
  
• Now the weather is so lovely, I've been sitting in the garden a lot. I can't wait to spend time in the garden with Little Planet. I can't wait for her to discover the swishing leaves on trees and dappled sunlight for the first time. To see the world anew with her eyes will be such a treat.
  
  
• I realised the other day, that I have spent nearly 9 months building up a picture of Little Planet in my head - how she looks, what her personality is like, based on my scans and her activity within my womb. I have grown to love her antenatally. Soon she will be born and I will have to discover her and learn to love her afresh. Not just one time, I suspect, but over and over again for as long as we will be together.
  

Summer chilling

Wasn't it a glorious May Bank Holiday weekend? The sun here in London shone and shone and everyone tried to make the most of it by being out in the sunshine and hot air with bare arms and legs.

We spent Saturday hopping from one gallery to another courtesy of many black cabs due to my advanced pregnancy: the voluptuous, almost edible paintings of Howard Hodgkin at the Gasgosian in Kings Cross (above); the haunting, mysterious, highly charged interpretations of Edgar Allan Poe's works at the White Cube Hoxton Square and the atmospheric, dungeon-like interior of the Shoreditch Town Hall and featuring the stellar cast of such luminaries as the Chapman Brothers, Cindy Sherman, Anselm Kiefer and Harland Miller; and the filmic photos of small-town life by Gregory Crewdson at the White Cube Mason's Yard in Piccadilly.

Saturday was also spent ordering big ticket items from John Lewis for the baby, including a red and black Bugaboo Bee pushchair/pram and assorted accessories, a black Maxi Cosi car seat/carrier, a white wooden chest of drawers and matching fitted changing top, a classic wicker moses basket and stand, a digital baby monitor, BabyBjorn sling, breast pump, Baby Einstein activity gym and assorted basic clothes, sheets and blankets.

We lunched at our favourite Fernandez & Wells in Soho and later bought assorted food, including fresh tuna steaks, from the buzzing John Lewis Food Hall. At home, we ate the tuna steaks with a simple salad of rocket, beet and chard leaves and cherry tomatoes dressed in a homemade (by M) orange zest and balsamic dressing. Then ended the night eating Presat chocolates (mint wafers and chocolate covered apricots) whilst watching Heroes, Season 1 on DVD as we never caught it first time round.

Sunday and Monday were incredibly chilled affairs spent largely lazing around at home: laying in bed until late in the morning; breakfasting on freshly ground coffee and bagels with Camembert and apricot jam; reading the FT and Sunday Times outside in our garden; cooking and eating Spanish tortilla with sides of fresh tomatoes and grilled asparagus with Parmesan shavings, and also roast chicken with sides of chicory gently sauteed in butter and a rocket salad; tidying up the garden; doing laundry and hanging it out on the line.

Since yesterday, Tuesday, M is back at work, but as I am on maternity leave I am doing much the same - simply chilling. I have four weeks to go and am making the most of this time off. In honesty, it feels like a wonderful, extended vacation - the kind I've not had since my university days (and even then I usually worked during the holidays).

My favourite moments over the past few days? Feeling Little Planet's teeny weeny foot pressing against the side of my stomach and into my hand. She's head down now - her head in my pelvis, her back against my lefthand side, her legs curled across the top of my stomach and her feet pressing into my top righthand side. She's apparently around 6lbs in weight and is a tiny bundle of energy. I am so much in love.

Changes

I've bought the first things for the baby. These are from Green Baby in Islington. When I looked at them hanging up in the store, I thought they were far too small. And then I placed them over my belly and realised, My goodness, babies really are very tiny aren't they! Tomorrow, we order the bigger things... Bugaboo Bee, Maxi Cosi car seat, moses basket, changing unit, Baby Einstein activity mat, basic cotton clothing and sheets etc. But just to prove to ourselves we still have a life outside of pregnancy and babies, we have a list of art galleries we want to visit too. Just like the old days, but then, not quite... Life has changed.

Packing a hospital bag

In a month (give or take a week or two either way), I will be meeting Little Planethalder, God willing, in the flesh for the first time. Bearing in mind that I know very few people who have given birth, bearing in mind that I am booked into a midwife-run birthing centre at my hospital with a birthing pool in my room, bearing in mind things can go differently and I could still end up on the regular labour ward or in theatre for a c-section, bearing mind the hospital will be warm and it'll be June, bearing in mind I have no clue about birth or babies... how do the contents of my hospital bag (for myself and baby) sound - what am I missing and what can I miss off?

My hospital bag

• 6 x cheap comfy granny knickers (I don't fancy disposables)
  
• 2 x packs maternity sanitary pads
• 2 x packs night-time ultra flow sanny pads with wings (as protective base)
• Sanny bags for disposing pads
• 2 x nursing bras
• Pack of absorbent breast pads
• Nipple cream
• 2 x front-buttoning nightie for labour and breastfeeding (I'm too shy to let it all hang out for all to see)
• 1 x lightweight dressing gown
• Tanktini top for birthing pool
• 2 x dark tracksuit bottoms for early/post-labour
• 2 x dark baggy ti-shirts for early/post-labour (nursing ones or front buttoning)
• Slippers & socks
• Flipflops for bathroom
• Birth ball
• Hair scrunchie
• Hair brush
• Towel for bathing (I am sure my own will be more comfortable and bigger than the hospital one)
  
• Lip salve
• Face moisturiser
• Deordorant
• Toothbrush and tooth paste
• Contact lenses & case & solution (want to look good for photos!)
• Glasses
• Kajal
• Shampoo
• Bodywash
• Massage oil
• Granola bars, crisps, apples, carton drinks, canned drinks, fizzy water, isotonic drinks, bendy straw & cup
• iPod (with loads of music and my natal hypnotherapy meditations) & speakers & headphones
• Book & magazines
• Camera
• Camcorder (not to film the birth, but post-birth)
  
• TENS machine
• Antenatal notes
• Birth plan
• Watch to time contractions
• Notepad & pen
• Clean going home clothes
• Anti-bacterial wipes for public toilets/bathroom
• Arnica tablets & healing (organic/herbal) wipes for soreness down below
• Tissues

My baby's bag

• 10 x nappies (I think the hospital may supply these, but just in case)
  
• 4 x vests
• 4 x gros
• 2 x socks
• 1 x mits
• 1 x sun hat
• 1 x cotton cardigan
• Cotton wool
• Baby towel
• Baby cotton blanket
• Carseat
• Muslin squares

On a different note, several people have requested photos of the new house. We still need to repaint the house and change the kitchen and bathroom and some furniture is still needed, so aesthetically the house at the moment does not reflect our personal taste. When it does, the photos will come. In the meantime, here are photos from when we first saw the house.

A mother's blessing

This weekend, my mother threw me a Bengali ceremony called shaadh ("my mother's wish") to bless both her expectant daughter and her unborn grandaughter, and to wish for a successful and healthy delivery. She prepared a variety of delicious dishes for me to eat and invited my husband, father, mother-in-law and sister-in-law. My mother toasted both me and the "Little Gem" inside of me and then we feasted on: rohu fish; curried cauliflower; mixed vegetable chorchori with red leaves (lal sag), pumpkin, baby aubergines and Indian green beans (shim); channa dal with coconut and sultanas; dahi ghost - lamb stewed in a spicy yoghurt sauce; tomato chutney; and ladoos and son papri for dessert. It was simply wonderful. Thank you Ma!

34 weeks

It's been a fraught start to my maternity leave. M was away in New Orleans and I missed him terribly. His touch would have been the perfect de-stresser as I dealt with the seemingly endless procession of John Lewis delivery men (AEG washing machine, Siemens fridge/freezer, Brabantia bin, spare double bed), house clearance men, plumbers (for defective washing machine), John Lewis after-sales clerks (for ditto) and BT. On Saturday night, I was so stressed that I was physically sick. And now it's a week of guests (though fortunately family and close friends only), antenatal visits and classes, and more deliveries.

And this house is so much bigger than I've been used to in recent years that in my heavily pregnant state it's such an effort to go up to my lovely bedroom to nap, so I catch the zzzz's on the sofa. I can't even think about cleaning and hoovering the house in preparation for all the visitors. And taking/collecting dry cleaning or shopping for food just for lunch is simply too much of an effort. I waddle heavily and feel like everyone is staring at me and I feel like an elephant. Fortunately the lovely M is now back and, as always, takes as much on as he can and never complains.

Not knowing many pregnant women before me, I didn't realise how much bigger and tireder the last month of pregnancy makes one. All I want to do is reside in the deepest silence that exists. I want no words, no sounds, no movement, no obligations to anyone. I want perfect stillness.

But inspite of this, just now I took a step back and walked around my house and stroked my huge belly and thought how lucky I am, how much my life has changed for the better these past two years, how I wouldn't have it any other way.

My daughter is growing exponentially and rolling around to her heart's content inside of me. I think about her constantly. This weekend, I attended both the Cloud Gate Dance Theatre Of Taiwan's magical and ravishing Moon Water performance at the Sadler's Wells, performed to Bach's Cello Suites, and Paco Pena and Nishat Khan fusing flamenco guitar with Indian sitar (MP3 link) at the Royal Festival Hall. As well as enjoying it for myself, I kept wondering how Little Planet was enjoying the music also. Certainly throughout she was rolling around and stretching out.

I am so excited for her to be born and gaze upon her and hold her and cherish her for hours on end. But I admit I am also attached to her snuggled tightly inside of me. For while she's inside of me, it's just me and her and the bond is between just the two of us. These last few weeks are the weeks to treasure. For once she is out in the world, I will have to share her.

Offline

Quickly jumping in from work to say I'll be offline for another week. British Telecom can't seem to get their act together at all, but we are stuck with them as we don't want cable or Sky. It's perhaps a blessing in disguise though: I start maternity leave this Wednesday and have a busy start to my leave - arranging and waiting for numerous deliveries and a room clearance, having friends and family over to visit, going out and about to this or that concert and this or that restaurant, attending antenatal classes and appointments, sleeeeping... I don't need to be distracted by the net - although I still haven't bought anything for the baby, so need to be online pretty soon, eeeekkk!

See you in a week with a proper post.

House update

The move went surprisingly well. Though we are pretty much unpacked, there is still much to do in terms of waiting on deliveries, buying new things and arranging rooms to just how we like it. We keep wandering around the house not quite believing it's all ours and also trying to work out what extra hard and soft furnishings we need now that we have so much more space. Moving from a one-bed flat to a three-bed house is quite a leap.

We're back at work now and getting back into our usual routine. I only have another week before I leave for a year's maternity leave and I am really looking forward to enjoying this house at my leisure. We won't have an internet connection until next week, so I may be offline for a while if I can't find any time to update Planethalder from work.

On the move

We're moving on Saturday. The cleaner is in the new house sprucing it up as I type. The post is already being redirected. The new PC is on its way. We are ordering a new fridge freezer, washing machine, rug and guest bed tomorrow. These boxes (above) are filled only with books. Poor M is doing most of the packing. We've still got a long way to go.

Letting go

8am this morning. I'm still in bed. I have bed hair, my skin is a little oily from the night, my huge pregnant belly is peering out from beneath the hem of my too-small ti-shirt, kohl eye-liner is smudged unattractively around my eyes, my legs need de-fuzzing, I seriously need to brush my teeth.

I text M, who landed in Heathrow from Atlanta an hour ago: "Let me know when you're on your way home and I'll get out of bed." Then I settle back into the pillows with a mug of coffee, a stack of interiors magazines and my iPod on shuffle. 30 minutes later I get a text, "I'll be home in 20 minutes. Don't bother getting out of bed".

I haven't seen my husband in 2 weeks. More importantly, he hasn't seen me in 2 weeks. I look a mess! Damn, I have 20 minutes to make myself look presentable. As I hurtle through my shower, I find myself fuming, Do you not know what it's like to be a woman! You haven't seen me in 2 weeks - of course I need to get out of bed and make myself look attractive! We've been together 3 years, married for 1. But first impressions still count.

By the time I hear his keys in the door, I am presentable but still fuming inside. Of course, when he walks in the door with all his bags - including some goodies for me from DKNY - and looking tanned and handsome, my stress melts away. Especially when he gathers me in his arms and kisses me all over and says, "You look great!"

Okay all you out there in long(-ish) relationships - surely you also still stress out about looking good for your partners? My reaction can't be unique?!

Crushes

Olivia recently posted her "Hot List" of sexy celebrity men. I've always been hesitant to share my list with the girls I know because they look at me as if I am crazy. As Olivia pointed out, my heart has always been with another generation despite my own personal hot man being 4 months younger than me.


I fell for the mercurial looks and music of singer David Bowie (top left) before I was a teenager and now in his 60s he is around 30 years older than me. I was captivated by this man who no one ever seemed able to pin down and define; who never seemed to be afraid of trying out new personalities for himself; and who is frightfully erudite and intelligent. My lifelong obsession with him has exposed me to alot of writers, musicians, artists, films and lifestyles.

I fell for the music and looks of singer and poet Leonard Cohen (top right) in my late teens and now in his 70s he is around 40 years older than me. I continue to be drawn by his deep voice, his love of women and spirituality and sex, his poise and elegance. I am so sad I will miss his concert in July.

Playwright and actor Sam Shepard (bottom right) ensnared me with his cowboy looks and Pulitzer-winning writing when I was in my early teens and he too is over 30 years older than me. I loved the fact that he went out with Patti Smith and has settled with Jessica Lange - two women I also had girl crushes on.

Actor Tony Leung (bottom left) is a more recent addition to my Hot List, having first encountered him in Wong Kar-Wai's movies. He's just some 10 years older than me so I am doing well! He has a brooding presence, and... well... he's just hot, period.

I have my girl crushes too, off course. Since I was a child, I've been in awe of actresses Rekha (below left, with another of my childhood hunks Amitabh Bachchan) and Shabana Azmi (below right) and dreamed of looking as beautiful and as elegant as them when I grew up. I wanted the poise and sophistication of actress Catherine Deneuve. I wanted the raw sexiness of actress Jessica Lange (I also wanted her hot life partner Sam Shepard!) and the indie sexiness and über coolness of singer Debbie Harry. My most recent girl crush is Beyoncé - quite apart from her talent, I would love to have a body and mane like hers.


Okay, let's make this a tag - who are your boy and girl crushes and why? They can't just be people you admire; they must be people you find sexy also. I tag you all. Please leave a comment when you've posted so we can check your crushes out.

Easter drift

In the end I didn't do much more than drift from one thing to another without purpose, which makes a refreshing change as I am a woman who likes to plan.

I watched season premieres of House and Grey's Anatomy, neither of which I've seen before, as well as the new Dirty Sexy Money, which is looking promising. I chatted with my parents and with M over the phone twice a day as he travelled between Jacksonville and Manhattan (where I'd instructed - whoops, requested - him to look at camcorders, laptops and DKNY clothing for me). I watched Brief Encounter and a few episodes of The Waltons on DVD. I watched The Way We Were. I filled my bags at the Food Hall in John Lewis and cabbed it home, chatting about Thailand with the affable taxi driver who has a Thai wife and 8 month old daughter living in Issan. I ate alot of Green & Black's milk chocolate and blood red oranges and marmite on toast, though not all together. I stayed in bed late, sleeping, napping, reading Hullabaloo In The Guava Orchard and The Inheritance Of Loss, and listening to Loretta Lynn, Leonard Cohen and Lambchop on my iPod. I wrote in my journal - a pretty pink and cream Japanese notebook from London Mitsukoshi's JP Books. I did laundry but I couldn't be bothered to hoover and dust the house despite my mother-in-law coming over on Easter Monday (today). I showed her around the new house. We went out to eat Turkish food with her friend and my sister-in-law and we looked at baby photos of M. We watched the 4D video of Little Planet's scan. I watched my belly dance as the baby did her rolling and kicking and hiccuping routine inside me. I browsed baby and nursery products from independent sellers on the internet. I read other peoples' blogs. And tomorrow morning I am off to my parents' house to eat home-cooked curries and drift aimlessly for another week.

I miss M so much. It's the longest we've been apart. I know from my own experience that a life spent largely alone can be rich and rewarding if you continually endeavour to make it so. But it's wonderful how much texture, shape and rhythm a loved one gives to one's day.

Choices

The four days of Easter begin and, aside from Easter Sunday when my mother-in-law, her friend and my sister-in-law visit for the day, the time is all my own. Do I tackle the brisk wind outside and catch a movie in town (Love In The Time Of Cholera), look at fabric for curtains and sofas in John Lewis, and check out a few art exhibitions (John Virtue and Antony Gormley). Or do I simply snuggle in at home for the day with a good book, my magazines, a DVD or two, and comfort food.

There is a part of me that feels I should 'save' snuggling for maternity leave and get out and about while I still comfortably can.

I'll see how I feel after I've drunk my coffee, read a few chapters of my book (The Inheritance Of Loss) and flipped through April's editions of O and Real Homes magazines - all without leaving my warm bed. It's the holidays after all. Who really needs to decide anything...

Intimacy and solitude

I was raised a happy and contented only child, I've been single for more years than I've been coupled up, and I enjoy solitude so much I have joyously spent weeks in my own company not socialising with a soul. When M said he had to go away to the States on business for two weeks, I thought to myself, "This will be fine. I love my own company. It's been a while since I've been truly alone to operate at my own pace only." And I've been enjoyably busy, booking the removals, arranging the parking suspensions, finding the cleaning company, buying a new PC, scheduling BT to install the phoneline and wireless broadband, showing friends and family around the new house, cooking all my meals, reading, writing, dreaming, and of course working. But I miss my other self. I am so much more of myself when I am with him. He enhances me. My life was good before him. But now it's so much better.

29 weeks

A little blurred as I don't have a scanner so had to photograph the scans with a slightly wobbly hand, but here is Little Planet in full 3D gloriousness. We got some video footage of her moving around too. Our little girl. She already has hair. Doesn't she look like a baby alien!

After the scan on Harley Street on Saturday, we popped over to Marylebone for lunch at Café Divertimenti of spinach and bacon quiche, Iberian platter, blackberry and amaretti tart, almond and raspberry shortbread, and coffees. In between bites, we eyed up the pretty little Indian toddler lunching on Hipp organic baby food with her parents. Then to John Lewis to look at carpets for upstairs in the new house, rugs for the living room, a spare bed, and curtains. And then, to the Barbican for Hou Hsiao-Hsien's new movie, Flight of the Red Balloon. Though not as compelling as his previous Café Lumière, the film spun a chaotic human story around a calm and serene heart in an elegant and beautiful way. Then a hearty dinner of lamb chops and kebabs at our favourite Turkish restaurant Antepliler.

Most of Sunday was spent in the new house, dismantling old wardrobes the previous owner had left behind, measuring areas to see where things should go, and generally enjoying ourselves in our first official, privately-owned place together as a couple.

My home, my family. This weekend was bliss.

Completed

It's official. We've completed. The house is ours!

Waiting to leave

• Singing nursery rhymes to my bump
• Playing Baby Einstein classical music to my bump
  
• Stroking and talking to her for hours on end
• Reading and listening to music in a big, comfy armchair
• Doing pregnancy meditation
• Doing pregnancy yoga
• Pottering around my new home
• Sitting in my new garden with a mug of hot milk or chocolate
• Listening to DAB radio in my new kitchen
• Daydreaming about our baby
• Cooking meals for M
• Having long, candlelit soaks in our new bathroom
• Envisioning how each room should look like
• Surfing the net from the couch, in bed, at the kitchen table and in the garden, because finally we will have wi-fi
• Watching classic old movies on DVD
• Buying things we will treasure for the baby and for the house
• Being alone and free to reflect, to prepare and to nurture myself and my bump

These are the things I am most looking forward to doing when I start maternity leave in a few weeks. Some of these things I can do and am doing now, but in snatches of time. In my new house and with uninterrupted hours, I will have space and time to simply be, before my life becomes three. Sigh.

Weekend doing

Marvelling at Alexander Rodchenko at the Hayward...



Giggling with Juan Muñoz at the Tate Modern...



Lunching on a cheese and ham toastie for M and steak pie with mushy peas for me at the Hayward's new terrific Concrete café... Browsing rugs, furniture and camcorders on Tottenham Court Road... Dining on kimchi, fried chilli chicken, deep-fried oysters and dolsot bibimbap at Bi Won on Coptic Street... Being both captivated and appalled by Woody Allen's neglected masterpiece Interiors on DVD... Savouring pears poached in a vanilla syrup and served with fresh raspberries, prepared by M... Flicking through back issues of Living ETC and Elle Decoration dreaming of each and every room in our new house... Breakfasting on clean-tasting Portuguese goat's cheese brought back by M from Lisbon... Finishing Don DeLillo's cinematic debut novel Americana and starting Natsume Soseki's The Tower Of London... Burning my tongue on the lime and chilli pickle that accompanied our lunch of samosas and dahi bora... Shamelessly being sucked into the irrepressively lighthearted and saccharine Pollyanna DVD with Hayley Mills... Sorting through, binning and filing away several months' worth of paperwork, from banking to work... Shortlisting removal and cleaning companies... Dining on homemade Hungarian goulash and potato salad with M and his sister, followed by blood oranges, passionfruit and dark cherry chocolate while perusing the cookbooks, as my sister-in-law is also a big foodie.

Exchanged

We've finally exchanged contracts on our house today. Bearing in mind we first had our offer accepted late in October of last year, this has been an unusually long process. We could have pulled out months ago and relooked for a place to buy, but to be honest we weren't in a terrific hurry to move and as we had found our ideal (for now) house, we were willing to wait. But last week we decided enough was enough and that we definitely had to move in before my maternity leave began. We gave all concerned a deadline for completion, after which we said we would pull out. And the threat seems to have worked. The solicitors have said we can collect the keys next Friday. Hurrah!

Unfortunately, M is in the States for two weeks thereafter but this gives me time to arrange for a removals company and for a cleaning company to come into the new house and give it a good scrub and other necessary things. All I care about, to be honest, is having those keys in my hands.

Very excited.

27 weeks

• M has been away on business in Lisbon and didn't come back until Saturday night, so I took advantage of my regular playmate being away and spent the first part of the weekend vegging out. I am so tired. I'm struggling through my afternoons at work and keep waking up throughout the night because my growing bump and my aching pelvis makes it uncomfortable to turn in my sleep.
  
  
• Needing the loo and an increasing number of quite vivid dreams are also waking me up throughout the night. Usually my dreams are work-related, around the theme of not managing to get all my work finished on time. But the other night, I had my first ever fantasy-themed dream that I can remember, where I was in a dark, dank forest filled with ancient trees with twisty limbs and ogres with gnarled faces. I wasn't being chased and nothing nasty or frightening happened, but it was a strange and vivid enough environment to awake me.
  
  
• I am really counting down the days to my maternity leave now - a month and a half to go - just so I can catch up on my sleep during the day and generally take it easy. But also because the experience of pregnancy, birth and becoming a mother is becoming more and more absorbing to me. The all-absorption is perfectly natural of course and I'm not really questioning it. Yet because my career has always been so central to my life and I am very ambitious, the shift in focus is rather strange.
  
  
• On Friday night, I snuggled into the sofa alone with a plate of vegetable and prawn stir-fry with rice balanced on my belly, a glass of milk and a DVD of The Hours that had me sobbing uncontrollably. I don't remember crying this hard the first time I saw this movie. Must be all the hormones combined with fatigue.
  
  
• On Saturday, I went out for a walk locally, dropping off and picking up dry cleaning along the way, and buying croissants and the paper which I spent most of the day reading from cover to cover. I fell asleep for an hour; I made up a playlist on my iPod of "happy music", featuring the likes of the Scissor Sisters, Dolly Parton, Nancy Griffith, The Killers, Prince, Beyonce, David Bryne, the Sugababes and Girls Aloud; I ate twiglets and surfed the net; I vacuumed and did laundry. Generally I pottered and drifted and slept.
  
  
• By the evening, though, I was feeling rather bored. Luckily I had theatre tickets booked and headed to the Barbican to meet my sister-in-law for dinner at the Waterside Cafe and a sleek and modern production of Hedda Gabler, which was chillingly good.
  
  
• By Sunday, my regular playmate had returned to London laden with Portuguese almond tarts and goats cheese. We woke up late; I bought a free range chicken and some beef from the butchers; we breakfasted on hot croissants and coffee.
  
  
• And then we traipsed across to east London and The Baby Show at ExCel. I still think it's a little early for us to be buying things for the baby, but we are now deciding what types of breast pump or moses basket or pram or baby sling to buy, so it was nice seeing our chosen products up front.
  
  
• I already have catalogues from Beaming Baby, Little Green Earthlets and Green Baby and want to buy a number of things from each of these so it was great seeing their actual products on show at ExCel and having our delight in the clothes and toys ratified. Really, please do check out their stuff - truly lovely and just a little bit different from the usual stuff you can buy at Mothercare, John Lewis et al. ExCel allowed us to discover another unique mail-order company - Lula Sapphire. Most of my baby wish list will be made up of items from these small stores.
  
  
• I picked up a couple of DVDs there, focussing not just on life with a new baby but also on the birthing process itself because I really need to start thinking about this now! I picked up Miriam Stoppard's Having A Baby and what looks to be a particularly excellent DVD by the venerable Yehudi Gordon, Sheila Kitzinger and Caroline Flint called Birthwise: Your Creation, Your Choice.
  
  
• And from the Natal Hypnotherapy stand we picked up a gym ball that was also being marketed as a birthing ball (which M appreciated a lot!).
  
  
• The best thing for both of us about being at The Baby Show today, though, was seeing all those babies - most of them very cute indeed. Really, now that I am pregnant I am really making up for never having been a broody person and rarely having given a baby a second look.
  
  
• I've really popped out now. I look decidedly pregnant and more and more people are offering their seats to me on the Tube.
  
  
• For the public at least, it feels my belly has a life separate from me. It feels quite odd how some people stare at it as if it is not adjoined to me but is a unique object to marvel at or reflect on or simply to stare at absentmindedly. I feel like waving my arms in front of them and saying, "Hello, it's me, I'm here too, this is part of me".
  
  
• I've been getting my first Braxton Hicks - painless, "practice contractions" of the uterus that become more noticeable as you enter the third trimester. I've only noticed them twice so far. The front of my abdomen suddenly hardens and then pops out for a few seconds. At first I thought it might be Little Planet sticking a limb or her head out against me, but when I read about it more I realised they were the actions of my own uterus. My belly truly does have a life of its own.
  

Anniversary weekend

Our anniversary weekend began on Thursday night with a sumptuous meal at Veeraswamy - an Indian restaurant overlooking Regent Street. It was touch and go whether either of us would make our reservation as work had kept us steaming and stressing until the very last minute. But once inside the elegant interior and settled into our cosy booth with rose petals strewn across the dark wood table, we began to unwind. We toasted our year of marriage with wine and lychee juice (guess who drank which) and M presented me with some exquisite diamond earrings handmade by the same jeweller on Fleet Street who had made my engagement ring and our wedding rings. We devoured a variety of dishes whose names I've forgotten but everything was perfectly spiced and immaculately presented and the service was very discreet. Afterwards, we treated ourselves to a cab home.

We took Friday off and our extended anniversary weekend unfurled at a wonderfully active pace. We began the day with runny poached eggs on granary toast and slathered with tomato ketchup. We took a bus to the Thames, caught the Juan Muñoz and Duchamp, Man Ray & Picabia shows at the Tate Modern (who knew that Duchamp had been an accomplished competitive chess champion!), then walked along the South Bank - as we used to do often when we were dating - to a packed Canteen in the bowels of the Royal Festival Hall. Canteen is well known for its fresh British cooking and for the ethically sourced produce they use. There, M ate fried pollock and chips and I ate chicken and mushroom pie with greens, mash and gravy. We followed our mains with hearty desserts of treacle tart and Jersey cream (M) and apple crumble with vanilla custard.

In between bites, we were captivated by a huggable, cuddable three week old baby who had a full head of thick black hair and was very, very sleepy in her mother's arms. Now that I am pregnant, I am broody like never before (which I suppose is a good thing) and I couldn't take my eyes off her. By dessert, though, we had become distracted by a mixed Anglo-Indian couple dining with their three young children. We looked at the little girl with her dark eyes and long, light brown hair and rosy pink cheeks and wondered - as we do often now - how Anglo-Indian Little Planet will look like when she arrives in this world. My manager is English and married to an Indian woman and he admitted that when his wife was pregnant with their son they too could not help looking at other half-Indian babies and wonder. So glad we're not the only ones!

We took a cab to Soho and I bought M a vintage bottle of Suntory Hibiki whiskey from Gerry's on Old Compton Street for his anniversary gift. We bought pancetta from Camisa & Son then walked to the Odeon Covent Garden. The film we wanted to see was an hour later than we had thought, so we bought tickets anyway then strolled over to the Aveda Institute on High Holborn for tea.

It's disappointing that the Aveda Cafe is now a Le Pain Quotidien because they no longer serve the delicious and frightfully healthy range of herb teas, freshly squeezed juices and sprouted salads they were famed for. But the atmosphere is still as good as it used to be, with the high ceilings, wooden tables, kilim rugs, constant whir of hairdryers, the all-pervading aroma of herbal hair products and beautiful stylists and beauticians dressed all in black. This is where I always get my hair done and I took the opportunity to make an appointment for tonight.

The film we saw was Wong Kar-Wai's My Blueberry Nights. One of the reasons M and I fell in love was over a mutual fondness for Wong Kar-Wai films and we were intrigued to see the Hong Kong director's first movie in English and with English-speaking actors. The reviews for this film have been lacklustre at best and I wasn't sure I would enjoy a film featuring Jude Law, Norah Jones and Natalie Portman. But we were both entranced by this beautifully shot, sweet and sentimental tale of love and loss.

Back home, we were too full to eat a dinner, so we snacked on toasted peanut butter sandwiches and some delicate yuzu and cherry sweets from Minamoto Kitchoan on Piccadilly instead.

Saturday began with a stroll across the park to pick up bagels and buttery croissants then back towards home to drop off and pick up laundry, buy meat from our local butcher and the FT and International Herald Tribute from our local newsagent. After a leisurely breakfast at home with the papers, we headed into town to watch the heartwarming and heartwrenching (and extremely funny) movie Juno at the Curzon Soho. The music (and perhaps also the sugar from the pack of jelly babies I was devouring!) sent Little Planet into a kicking frenzy throughout.

At the Annely Juda Gallery on Dering Street, we were blinded by the retina-burning canvasses of Sigrid Holmwood, who paints luminous Swedish pastoral landscapes in a combination of traditional pigments and bright contemporary fluorescents. Her work reminded me of Karen Kilimnik, only a touch more gimmicky and a shade less complex, but enjoyable and absorbing nonetheless.

We stocked up on provisions at the John Lewis Food Hall and then bought an anodized skillet from the kitchenwares section. I also bought M the second part of my anniversary gift to him - a pair of heavy crystal whiskey tumblers.

We took another cab back home and dined on fillet steaks, pomme frites, sweet fresh tomatoes and peppery watercress, followed by cherries for dessert. Then spent the rest of the evening listening to Bach's cello suites (Pablo Casals), which again had the baby kicking away, and reading.


Sunday - our actual wedding anniversary day - was a much quieter affair. I needed to rest after so much activity, so while M dropped in on his cousin who was celebrating his 9th birthday, I spent the morning snuggled into the sofa with Indian Vogue, Monocle and Ian McEwan's graceful and immersive Chesil Beach. Then I dozed in bed for a few hours. M returned home with his mum, who stayed for an hour's chat. For our proper anniversary dinner, M roasted a chicken and served it with a pomegranate and parsley tabbouleh and homemade red chilli harissa sauce. Then we settled into a quiet evening together, reading (M read the whole of the new J.G. Ballard autobiography in just a few hours - he was so rivetted), listening to music and simply being.

What a wonderful weekend; what a wonderful year; what a wonderful man I married.

One February...

One February in 2005, a handsome young man leaned over and kissed me for the first time as the closing bell rang in the Soho bar we were in. Later, on Regent Street, we couldn't stop kissing as I waited for the bus to arrive to take me home, alone.

One February in 2006, in a hotel room on the 57th floor by a picture window overlooking the glittering Thai city of Bangkok, the handsome young man began covering my neck with tiny kisses before whispering, "Will you marry me?" into my ear.

One February in 2007, I looked into the eyes of this handsome young man and began crying as I pledged my life to him in front of our nearest and dearest.

And this last weekend of February in 2008, my handsome young man will celebrate one year of marriage with me.

February is now one of my favourite months of the year.

I love you, M. What a blessing you are in my life. My lover, my best friend, my co-adventurer through life. Happy one year anniversary xxx

25 weeks

• The other morning, M spooned up behind me in bed and I fell back to sleep in his arms as his hand cupped my belly. I must have dozed for a good half hour and when I came through again his hand was still there. He told me that he and Little Planet had been playing "call and response" through my tummy. Incredible - father and daughter playing together and yet I didn't feel a thing - I was simply the conduit!
  
  
• This afternoon, I had a routine midwife check up at the hospital. Unless a woman is under- or over-weight, my antenatal unit never bothers with weighing sessions, but I requested to be weighed because I was convinced I'd put on a stone, at least. So I was shocked to discover I've put on just 5 pounds of weight. My midwife told me it is fine because the baby is the correct size for her age. But I feel like an elephant.
  
  
• It was lovely hearing her heartbeat again - unlike the last time, the midwife found it easily as Little Planet wasn't racing around inside of me.
  
  
• Though I am due on 3rd June, I'll officially leave work on 16 April - my 33rd week because I am also taking a chunk of annual leave. It's early I know, but we'll be in the new house by then and I want to nest and kick back and read childcare books and watch chick flicks and buy nice things online for the house and generally potter and prepare for the biggest adventure of my life. Because after the birth, I will get little if any time to myself (ever again?!?).
  
  
• This is the adventure that dwarfs all the other big adventures in my life, from living on an American Indian reservation with a medicine man to struggling through cancer.
  
  
• I'm also considering a number of baby books now that my pregnancy is two-thirds along. I'm going to buy and read a handful of classics though fully mindful that at the end of the day I will respond to my baby in a way that suits her (and me) best. Anyway, let me know your thoughts on these (and perhaps suggest others): The Happiest Baby On The Block by Harvey Karp; Secrets Of The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg; The New Contented Little Baby Book by Gina Ford; What To Expect The First Year by Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi E. Murkoff, Sandee E. Hathaway.
  
  
• The one thing I haven't been able to bring myself to think about in too much detail is the birth itself - ouch! I have to look away if I see birth scenes on TV. I need to start thinking whether I want to give birth in the midwife-led birthing unit attached to my hospital or on the consultant-run labour ward. Though I have no problems with drugs and conventional birthing techniques, I have bought a set of natal hypnotherapy CDs and my NCT antenatal classes start in a month. Will have to start preparing myself for it all soon.

Taking it easy

We spent much of Saturday morning at Tate Britain in Pimlico, viewing the Peter Doig and The Camden Town Group exhibitions. The latter was interesting more for the subject matter (everyday life in bustling London) than the rather derivative painting methods (aside from the brilliant Sickert); but the former blew me away. I only became aware of Peter Doig a couple of years ago at The Triumph Of Painting show at the Saatchi Gallery and my excitement over his haunting, large-scale natural and built-up landscapes has not waned.

We lunched at the bustling Japan Centre and then bought groceries from Lina Store, Arigato, the Algerian Coffee Shop, Nicolas, Yauatcha and Fresh & Wild all in Soho. We rushed home - partly to catch the disappointing (for us) Arsenal v. Manchester United game on TV and partly because I was feeling quite weary: as my pregnancy progesses, my pelvic area is getting more achy, due to the hormone relaxin that's released during pregnancy to soften the joints in preparation for the birth of the baby.

Afterwards, we made homemade pizzas with artichokes, olives, sunblush tomatoes and mozzarella and desserted on blue tea, matcha lime and kumquat macarons from Yauatcha.

We've taken Sunday easy, spending most of it reading and now we're chilling out with M's mother and sister who will stay for a dinner, cooked by M, of roast lamb with rosemary and garlic. Tomorrow, we meet up with Oxford friends for dinner in a local Turkish restaurant - K who's completing her PhD and couple D and J, who have three children under 5 and will no doubt be sharing with us many birth and baby tips. And this is a four-day working week for us as we're coming up to our 1 year wedding anniversary and have taken a long weekend to celebrate together in London.

Hope you are having a good weekend - it's still not over!

Candlelit Valentine's

Happy belated Valentine's one and all. We spent the evening eating assorted goodies - antipasti, fresh pasta, amaretti biscuits and rich chocolate cake courtesy of Carluccio's near my work - by candlelight at home.

Last year, I forgot all about Valentine's Day until my soon-to-be husband presented me with a card. Careless of me as a soon-to-be wife!

This year though, a blissful, chilled night away from it all, just the two (well, three) of us.

Mr and Mrs Planethalder

M on the left and me on the right - just a few months old, yet look at all our hair! Inspired by Broom.

I tag 30in2005, Southways, SilentOne, Prema, Mallika, Tommy, Jean, Olivia, Leslee, Sprink, Hypatia (if you're still there, Hyp) and Choxbox - in fact anyone who reads me. Photos of you as a baby or you and your partner as babies please and leave a comment so we can check you out!

Wretched

Most of my weekend activity took place on Friday night and Saturday, when I felt relatively fine - well, better than my sick day on Thursday. I was back at work on Friday and out and about on Friday evening, all day Saturday and on Sunday morning. Then by Sunday evening I was coughing and retching and feeling wretched again.

I spent all of today at home in bed, alternating between sleeping and watching Buffy, only dragging myself out of the bedroom to heat up milk or Heinz tomato soup. I couldn't even switch on the computer until now, thus feeling especially guilty for not being able to compensate for not being at work by checking work emails.

I have enormous amounts of energy and rarely get colds and when I get even the hint of one I beat it down with paracetamol and megadoses of vitamin C. With a baby inside to think about, I'm now even afraid to take a decongestant. I know there are things I can take while pregnant, but it's simply too much effort to seek them out.

Apparently colds last longer during pregnancy, perhaps because the immune system slows down to protect the baby - a foreign object - from immunological rejection. So, for the sake of my baby, I have to suffer. Something tells me that, as a mother, it will always be like this from now on (suffering for the sake of the children).

Some good news today though - it looks like the guy whose house we are buying has finally sorted out the complications around the flat he wants to buy and the chain we're in can finally move again. His solicitors tell us we should exchange before the month is out. I'm holding my breath and crossing all fingers and toes.

This weekend

This weekend, we've watched Robert Altman's sprawling and superlative Shortcuts on DVD, set against the backdrop of middle class Los Angeles and inspired by short stories by Raymond Carver.

This weekend, we've eaten gyoza salad, ohitashi, chicken katsu don and miso soup at Toku in the Japan Centre on Piccadilly; tarte aux fraises and cheesecake at Patisserie Valerie on Old Compton Street; organic sausages and mash with onion gravy at The Honest Sausage in Regent's Park; dark chocolate and caramel millionaires slice and Portuguese nata at Fernandez & Wells on Lexington; Indian snacks from Ambala; homemade macaroni cheese and spinach; and homemade Persian mixed vegetable stew.

This weekend, we've strolled through Regent's, Finsbury and Priory parks in North London in the glorious, bright yellow sunshine.

This weekend, we've bought candles from Muji on Carnaby Street; chocolates and fruit fondants from Liberty; organic cherries and milk from Fresh & Wild on Brewer Street; lotus root, tofu and a brown rice mix with aduki beans and millet from Arigato on Brewer Street; wine from The Vintage House on Old Compton Street.

This weekend, we've browsed gymwear in Uni Qlo and Niketown; and prams and pushchairs in Mothercare at Marble Arch, finally deciding to go with the Bugaboo Chameleon (though we still may change our minds as I'm also toying with the Bugaboo Bee).

This weekend, we've viewed Modern Chinese Art - The Khoan And Michael Sullivan Collection, Part 1 at Asia House; and Catherine Yass' mesmeric but too short film installation of the Three Gorges Dam in China's Yangtze River at the Alison Jacques Gallery on Berners Street.

And we've played "call and response" with Little Planethalder in the womb - she'll kick and then we'll tap or call back in response and she'll kick back again. It'll be wonderful when we can encourage her to kick at any spot on my belly we touch.

23 weeks

The picture above shows how much the internal organs are already being pushed upwards at 20 weeks. I'm now 23 weeks and 3 days and I can really feel my uterus pushing against my skin and above my belly button. The lifting upwards of the uterus has certainly relieved pressure on my bladder and lower pelvic cavity so I feel relatively more comfortable than I've felt before. But I am more breathless and have heartburn. It's extraordinary how hard my belly is - like a round football, but larger, thrusting outwards from my body like an alien growth. M and I keep marvelling at it.

Apparently, Little Planethalder now weighs about one pound and is approximately 11.5 inches head to heel - the weight of a large mango and the length of a banana. Her facial features are beginning to develop and she's likely to be able to open and close her eyes now, hear things on the outside and suck her thumb. She's certainly enjoying herself inside of me - kicking and punching and twisting and turning. M can now feel her kick from the outside which has made the whole experience something we can finally and concretely share.

Yet, like adults, she has her active days when she enjoys her acrobatics and her inactive days when she prefers to chill out and take it easy - either that or she's kicking towards my back, which I can't feel, or against my colon which feels like internal popping wind. On Tuesday, I had a routine checkup in the hospital and asked them to check for her heartbeat with a Doppler. Only that morning both M and I had felt her kick but the anxiety over her well-being never diminishes. My heart leapt into my throat when the obstetrician couldn't find a heartbeat and yet she could hear the swishing of the amniotic fluid inside suggesting the baby was moving around. So they did an ultrasound and there she was, heart beating strongly away, kicking her legs and punching out her fists and squirming every which way. The relief was immeasurable.

Today, I am at home sick with a sore throat and a mild fever - sleeping, reading magazines, watching property programmes on daytime TV, periodically checking and responding to work emails, sleeping again. The time at home has afforded me this luxury of writing a rare weekday blog post, which is a lovely change as this was beginning to read like a weekend activity blog only.

And I'm beginning to think about my newborn baby shopping list. I'll post it here soon and seek the advice of any interested readers (mummies or not) on what to buy and not to buy for the first few weeks.