The sun is shining

We still haven't written our post-wedding thank you cards. We still haven't sorted out which wedding photos to frame, for ourselves as well as for our parents. We still haven't put the photos in albums. We still haven't sorted out the thousands of honeymoon photos from India. We need to do laundry. We need to clean the house. We need to shop for basics after the Easter break. But it's still Easter Monday. The sun is shining. So sod it all! We're off for a stroll around St James Park.

The voyage

This is when I bumped into him. This is when we had our first kiss. This is when he asked me to marry him. And this is when we got married. What next?

Cloud nine

I'm still on cloud nine and more than a little shaky, but I am now - as of 4.30pm on Saturday, 24 February - a married woman. I still haven't come down from the gloriousness of it all. We had a wonderful time with family and friends. And yes, I cried through my vows. Tomorrow morning we get up at an ungodly hour to set off for our honeymoon. We've had little alone time with each other and it's going to be just as busy during the next two weeks in India, where M meets my entire family for the first time. We're exhausted and ecstatic. And I'm still trying to get used to calling M "my husband". See you in two weeks!

Wedding: Menu

• Herb-stuffed lemon sole fillets with spiced tomato dressing
• Roast lamb served with feta and spinach potato cakes
• Passionfruit creme brulee

Wedding: Vows

I, [me], take you [M], to be my husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. On this day, I give to you in the presence of these witnesses my promise to stay by your side as your faithful wife in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, through the good times and the bad. I promise to love you, comfort you, encourage you, laugh with you, cry with you, grow with you, and cherish you.

Exchange of Rings:

With this ring, I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

Wedding: Reading 2

i carry your heart with me by e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Wedding: Reading 1

Unending Love by Rabindranath Tagore

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times,
In life after life, in age after age forever.
My spell-bound heart has made and re-made the necklace of songs
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms
In life after life, in age after age forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age-old pain,
Its ancient tale of being apart or together,
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount
At the heart of time love of one for another.
We have played alongside millions of lovers, shared in the same
Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-
Old love, but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you,
The love of all man's days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life,
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours-
And the songs of every poet past and forever.

Wedding: Order of Service

• 3pm Guests arrive and drinks are served
• 3.45pm Guests take their seats in The Music Room
• 4pm Arrival of the Bride
  

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The Marriage

• The Purpose of Marriage
• Reading - Unending Love
• Vows
• Reading - i carry your heart with me
• Exchange of rings
• Signing of the Register
  

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• 4.30pm Photographs
• Drinks and canapes
• 6pm The Wedding Dinner
• Speeches and cutting of the cake
• To 10.30pm Drinks

This is it

I left work last night to great excitement amongst my colleagues. They'd bought me gift tokens and a lovely card. Then today I spent a few hours in Aveda in Holborn having intensive hair treatments to make everything shine as I'm wearing my hair down. They did my hands and nails too. I'm back at home now packing a bag as we're in a hotel tonight near the wedding venue with our families. I've gone through our list a thousand times. Now I'm printing our vows onto cards and double-checking we have everything else printed off - the readings, the order of service, the table settings... M's now phoning a black cab. The champagne is chilling in the fridge for the two of us when we return home again. By tomorrow night I will be a married woman. This is it...

Lists

Today is my last day at work for a few weeks and there are two days left to our wedding. All my waking hours are micro-managed by detailed lists. A long list for work, ensuring I get everything out the door by end of play today and ensuring I brief those who will be managing my various projects while I'm away. And a list for our wedding, juggling the last details into their proper places - my attire, our guests' accomodation, last minute arrangements with the suppliers, and transport.

I can't wait for Saturday for many obvious reasons, not least the fact that once the guests begin to arrive at the venue and we've had a few glasses of the bubbly stuff, there's little we both can do but relax and enjoy their company and our celebration.

To take, or not to take...

... my future husband's name. That is the question I've been toying with for some months now. Various thoughts, for and against, have been surfacing - the usual ones to do with identity, sexual politics and familiarity. If I take his name, I face the slightly daunting prospect of having to defend the decision to some very political friends - all of whom have kept the surnames they were born with (their fathers' names). Most likely they would consider such a decision to be politically incorrect. Others would think I'd be losing my hard-earned professional identity. It troubles me a little that people Googling me with a new name will find no record of my pre-married life: the conference papers, the small publication record, my professional life as a charity campaigner.

A recent Harvard University sudy suggested that the proportion of educated professional women choosing to take their husbands' surname is on the rise. I've built an academic and charity sector career with the name of my father. Now, for the first time, I've moved into the corporate sector and am starting over. A new name is exciting to me - it not only denotes a change, a commitment to another person, a new life as part of a loving unit... but a whole new phase in my professional life too. My old name will be forever associated with academia. My new name will now be associated with my new life in the corporate world.

It's terribly exciting - this chance to both be myself and another. To renew myself. And, hey, I'm taking that most traditional step and getting married - from there it's not much of a leap to change my name too.

Wedding countdown

Less than a week to go and it's been a whirlwind.

I renewed my passport on Friday morning before work. Our joint hen and stag night on Friday began with cocktails galore at The Trafalgar on Trafalgar Square and ended with more alcohol, loads of Arabic-Mediterranean food and live serenading at the wonderfully kitsch and over-the-top Sarastro on Drury Lane.

On Saturday, I had my face made up at the Bobbie Brown counter at John Lewis and left with good ideas and gulp £250 worth of makeup and brushes. I bought hair products from Aveda in Selfridges and got my vaccinations done for our honeymoon in India next week at Masta. Then we met M's father, sister and her friend (they had been to see Arsenal play at the Emirates) at Finsbury Park's wonderful Olive Tree restaurant where they all ate lamb kleftico and I ate a massive tower of beef steak, feta cheese and grilled aubergine.

Today, we've been finalising the Order of Service and the seating arrangements for the reception dinner, and have been going through our honeymoon travel arrangements. Tomorrow, M has a day off work and so will be making final preparations with the caterers, florist, musicians and venue, and will also be buying the favours.

The final countdown to our wedding day has begun. I am so excited, I can't believe it!

Hmmmm

I'm such a dork. We're flying out to India in less than two weeks and I've just realised my passport expires in less than six months. Off to the passport office I go... On the positive side, apart from make-up, I'm all set for the Big Day - got my dress, got my jewellery, got my hair sorted, got my shoes, got my bouquet sorted. There must be something else I'm missing, hmmmm. Joint hen and stag night tomorrow!

Bengali kitchen

Turnpike Lane was frantically busy today with mainly Bangladeshi Bengalis stocking up on provisions in the numerous mini-markets and "saree" shops that line the little stretch of road around the Tube station. M and I joined them this morning. At the fishmonger, we asked for either carp or catfish. "What are you making?" the fishmonger asked. "A fish curry," I replied. To which he responded, "Most of my Pakistani and Bengali customers buy mullet for their fish curries." So grey mullet it was. "Do you want the fish heads too? My customers put them in to flavour the broth." "No, it's okay," I said.

As a Bengali I know how popular fish heads are for flavouring gravies and dals, but as an ex-vegetarian - vegetarian for eleven years, vegan for two years - I'm still a little squeamish of things with eyes and mouths.

From neighbouring grocery stores we also bought bags of patol, baby aubergines, sweet potatoes, shim and bunches of spinach, plus some kalanji or nigella seeds. From a sari shop I bought a pack of deep red round and a pack of silver diamond-shaped bindis for my wedding.

As M was returning back from an Arsenal match, I cooked tonight's dinner of maacher jhol (fish steaks in a spicy water) and palong shager ghonto (spicy spinach and sweet potato curry).

For the maacher jhol, I rubbed a little turmeric powder and salt into the skin and flesh of six grey mullet steaks and set aside. After fifteen minutes I heated some mustard oil in a heavy pan and fried the mullet steaks for around three minutes on each side until they were crisp and set aside. I peeled and grated an inch of ginger, and ground together a teaspoon each of whole cumin and mustard seeds. I finely diced a medium onion and fried the entire mixture in the mustard oil along with a teaspoon of nigella or onion seeds, six small dried red chillies and a teaspoon of ground coriander until everything sizzled gently. I added a few fresh chopped tomatoes and returned the fish to the pan along with some boiling water. The water came halfway up the sides of the fish steaks. I lidded the pan and simmered gently for ten minutes.

For the palong shager ghonto, I washed and chopped two big bunches of fresh spinach and six baby aubergine, and peeled and diced a white-fleshed sweet potato. I ground together a teaspoon of cumin seeds, a tablespoon of coriander seeds and six small dried red chillies into a fine powder. I heated the mustard oil in a heavy pan with an inch of grated ginger and a teaspoon of whole cumin seeds until they crackled and popped. I added the ground spice mixture and a teaspoon of turmeric powder, fried it a little then added all the vegetables and a teaspoon of sugar. I added enough boiling water so the vegetables were nearly covered and cooked at a simmer for twenty minutes, adding salt to taste.

I served both with Basmati rice. It was alot of food and there's enough for tomorrow so it'll save us cooking again. Sunday's were always big cooking days in my parents' house as I was growing up. Heady aromas would gradually fill the kitchen during the course of the day as both my mum and dad cooked several curry dishes. For M and I, Sundays now afford the lazy luxury of time to cook slow-cook food - curries, stews, roasts... Lovely.

Kicking off

Over the past few days I've eaten: Fuchsia Dunlop's Numbing-and-hot chicken (above), cooked by M, featuring Sichuan peppers that were not so much chilli-hot but tingly, peppery and aromatic; vegetable gyoza, edamame, prawn and mixed vegetable tempura, and grilled sliced Tasmanian beef in garlic teryaki sauce with mixed vegetables and rice at Satsuma in Soho with colleagues who were treating me to a pre-wedding lunch; and roast beetroot with mild spices, carrot crisps and fromage frais for starter, venison with sour cherries for main, and sour cherry crème brulee for dessert at Baltic in Southwark with old Oxford friends. And the weekend is only just kicking off...

The way life is

People at work keep telling me, "Not long now until your wedding, you must be very excited" and I reply with a strained "Yes". During a busy work week, excitement dwells deeper down inside of me and only surfaces more readily at weekends. This is not because I am not looking forward to our big day, but because my head is so crammed full with work issues all day long that I think of little else until the weekend. I haven't had time to really take in the fact that I will be marrying in a few weeks time.

This is it

On Wednesday, we took an hour off work to meet on Fleet Street at the jewellers who'd designed and made my engagement ring. We were there for our wedding ring fittings. They gave us test rings to try out for fit and width. M has never worn a ring before but he wore his around the house at night, getting used to its feel. We both couldn't stop pretending we were already married - wearing our rings while we cooked, ate, washed up, watched TV and slept, and taking every opportunity to look at our hands in the mirror.

Today, we both took two hours off for lunch and met the woman who'll be conducting our wedding ceremony. She's a friendly woman with a rich, resonant voice. I already trust her to guide us through the momentous hour. M and I have written our own vows and we've selected two poems to be read by our friends. The woman had given us a choice of service and we sat down today to see how to integrate her words with ours and to discuss the general order of events.

It was all rather emotional because I was imagining saying those vows, in front of our nearest and dearest, listening to those readings, looking into his eyes as I held his hand and pressed the ring along his third finger.

This is it, I was thinking.

Music to get married to

Apart from the classical Indian trio who'll be performing sitar, tabla and violin at our wedding in, gulp, less than a month, we've been having fun deciding on which music to have playing in the background to the reception dinner. One of the first things I did when we bought my new iPod was create a Wedding Dinner playlist in iTunes. It doesn't necessarily feature many romantic songs, but it does feature music we've loved down the years. Currently the playlist is 7 hours long, but it's on shuffle! Here's a selection:

• Sweet Black Angel - The Rolling Stones
• Everyone's In Love With You - David Byrne
• Starman - David Bowie
• Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers
• Raspberry Beret - Prince
• Bat Macumba - Os Mutantes
• Road To Nowhere - Talking Heads
• Beautiful - Carole King
• Shipbuilding - Robert Wyatt
• Tropicalia - Caetano Veloso
• Tupelo Honey - Van Morrison
• Chuva - Mariza
• Breathless - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
• A Man And A Woman - U2
• Take This Waltz - Leonard Cohen
• Harvest Moon - Neil Young
• Aicha - Khaled
• Lágrimas Negras - Bebo Valdés & Dieguito "El Cigala"
• Perfect Day - Lou Reed (which may also be our recessional music)
• Everything - Neneh Cherry
• Yesterday Is Here - Tom Waits
• Dance Away - Bryan Ferry & Roxy Music
• Bat Macumba - Gilberto Gil
• Sabine Largam - Césaria Évora
• Naci Orishas - Orishas
• Tuareg - Gal Costa
• The Passenger - Iggy Pop
• Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division
• Little Things (That Keep Us Together) - Scott Walker

The wastelands of Colindale

We bought my wedding jewellery yesterday on Green Lanes: white gold drop earrings and an Indian-style necklace that cascades from the neck that will match the silver and light grey Benares silk sari I will be wearing. Afterwards, we popped over to Hampstead to discuss wedding flowers with our florist. We agreed on a variety of cream, white and natural green flowers and foliage as I want to keep both the decorations and my bouquet simple and elegant. Then we continued further up the Northern Line to Colindale.

The only reason to venture out to desolate Colindale in north London is to visit Oriental City. I lived in Colindale for a few months when I was preparing for my PhD viva in the British Library. My friend's parents generously allowed me to stay in their house there while they lived it up in India. The house itself was lovely and homely, but the area around it was bleak.

The cheap furniture store MFI is headquartered in Colindale and all the major car manufacturers have huge showrooms there. There is no main high street and the only place to buy groceries is an Asda supermarket.

Oriental City looks like a factory on a vast industrial estate from the outside, but inside it is an Asian paradise, with aisle after aisle selling produce from across South Asia - Japan, Korea, China, Thailand, Singapore. There are satay and durian stalls outside on the way to the car park.

And then there is the food court that wouldn't look out of place in Hong Kong or Bangkok: a vast space lined with stalls selling Vietnamese, Thai, Malaysian, Japanese and Chinese dishes. You choose your dishes from photos on the wall and eat them alongside hundreds of others on tables and chairs in the centre.
When I lived in Colindale, I frequently ate at Oriental City. This time we only shopped. We packed our baskets with assorted fruit - mango, lychee, rambutan, jackfruit, longan and mangosteen; with vegetables such as long beans, baby aubergines and pea-sized eggplants; and with other goodies such as tofu, palm sugar, dried shrimps, beef and fragrant sticky rice. We had so much food, we had to order a cab.

Back at home we fried beef strips and tofu chunks with whole cumin, red chilli flakes, ginger, fresh chillis and spring onions and ate the dish with wonton noodles and stir-fried greens tossed with soy sauce.
For dessert we shelled, peeled, cut and ate half the fruit, which were glossy, succulent and so sweet we both fell into a sugar coma afterwards while watching the silly Thai rom-com Fighting for Love with the irresistable Tony Leung.


Oriental City joins Loon Fung in Chinatown, Arigato in Soho, and Taste of Siam in Camden as our favourite stopovers for Asian ingredients. It is such a shame that the tenants at Oriental City are fighting closure. Its new owner, the property company Development Securities, is planning a massive £200m redevelopment of the site to include a DIY superstore, a school and housing. Ex-Arsenal footballer Ian Wright and his children are regular visitors to Oriental City and Wright is also backing the campaign to save "the real Chinatown" (so named because few tourists make it up there). Wright recently led a delegation to meet Ken Livingstone's planning officials at City Hall and he delivered 5,000 letters of protest to stop the redevelopment.

Nesting

As those of you who have read this blog with any regularity over the past few years will know, life a la Planethalder is usually alive with activity - whether gawping at art in galleries, strolling along the South Bank or through city parks, being gripped by films from Thailand to Turkey, or stuffing ourselves silly in cheap or more exclusive restaurants.
But during these past few months, the weather has been blustery, the nights dark, our bodies have been blocked with cold, and our work has been hectic. Quite simply, we've been content to snuggle up in the warmth of our house for most of the time, enjoying one another's company in a quieter, mellower way.

And it's been blissful, as the months and weeks count down towards our wedding, to savour our togetherness and, dare I say it, nest. I've never nested with someone before and I'm enjoying every second of it.

We rarely watch TV and have rarely had a fixed, after work routine, but in recent weeks we've been enjoying sitting down to Ugly Betty and the fourth season of The OC, re-watching Curb Your Enthusiasm on DVD, planning our wedding, loading up music on my new glossy black 30gb video iPod, reading and... cooking.

We always enjoy cooking, but as the winter chill has set in we're cooking and eating in alot more. Simple, satisfying, healthy dishes from the variety of cookbooks we had in our collection or got given to us for birthdays and Christmas - chicken in clear broth with red chillis, young stem broccoli and kimchi; spaghetti with artichoke hearts and fresh parsley; stir-fried tofu and beef strips with red chillis and stir-fried Korean greens; or heartier, meatier stews.

I know as the weather improves we'll start meeting up more regularly again after work and go out. But for now, nesting at home is what I crave.