It's been a fraught start to my maternity leave. M was away in New Orleans and I missed him terribly. His touch would have been the perfect de-stresser as I dealt with the seemingly endless procession of John Lewis delivery men (AEG washing machine, Siemens fridge/freezer, Brabantia bin, spare double bed), house clearance men, plumbers (for defective washing machine), John Lewis after-sales clerks (for ditto) and BT. On Saturday night, I was so stressed that I was physically sick. And now it's a week of guests (though fortunately family and close friends only), antenatal visits and classes, and more deliveries.
And this house is so much bigger than I've been used to in recent years that in my heavily pregnant state it's such an effort to go up to my lovely bedroom to nap, so I catch the zzzz's on the sofa. I can't even think about cleaning and hoovering the house in preparation for all the visitors. And taking/collecting dry cleaning or shopping for food just for lunch is simply too much of an effort. I waddle heavily and feel like everyone is staring at me and I feel like an elephant. Fortunately the lovely M is now back and, as always, takes as much on as he can and never complains.
Not knowing many pregnant women before me, I didn't realise how much bigger and tireder the last month of pregnancy makes one. All I want to do is reside in the deepest silence that exists. I want no words, no sounds, no movement, no obligations to anyone. I want perfect stillness.
But inspite of this, just now I took a step back and walked around my house and stroked my huge belly and thought how lucky I am, how much my life has changed for the better these past two years, how I wouldn't have it any other way.
My daughter is growing exponentially and rolling around to her heart's content inside of me. I think about her constantly. This weekend, I attended both the Cloud Gate Dance Theatre Of Taiwan's magical and ravishing Moon Water performance at the Sadler's Wells, performed to Bach's Cello Suites, and Paco Pena and Nishat Khan fusing flamenco guitar with Indian sitar (MP3 link) at the Royal Festival Hall. As well as enjoying it for myself, I kept wondering how Little Planet was enjoying the music also. Certainly throughout she was rolling around and stretching out.
I am so excited for her to be born and gaze upon her and hold her and cherish her for hours on end. But I admit I am also attached to her snuggled tightly inside of me. For while she's inside of me, it's just me and her and the bond is between just the two of us. These last few weeks are the weeks to treasure. For once she is out in the world, I will have to share her.
12 comments:
:-) Best wishes for the final haul! May you have all the quiet time you need, and the comfort time, too.
Yes the last month does tire you out with the endless trips to the toilet and the general discomfort with carrying around all that extra weight. I used to always wonder if I would ever be able to walk fast again :)
Now, my daughter likes to listen to a lot of the music which I listened to when I was pregnant. She used to get quite excited and move around a lot more when i listened to music, so am sure they pick up a lot of stuff..Also her tastes in food are quite similar to mine and to what I ate during my pregnancy.
Please put up pictures of your furnished house whenever you can..
Best wishes on the last leg of your journey.Apropos your comments on what babies pick in the womb- music seems to be a strong stimulus . My babies used to roll and kick out when I listened to music. I do agree with the last sentence you wrote. :)
Your last sentence gave me goosebumps, dunno why!
By the way good luck with the next few weeks and for D-day (I will be off Blogsville for a while).
Wow, the time has passed so quickly.
I hope that the last month will be peaceful and that the main lot of household stress is over.
I have heard of mothers who miss having their babies inside them, but are also thrilled to be enjoying them on the outside. I had never thought of the sharing bit before though!
I also hope you are playing lots of wonderful music for Little Planet.
It's true what Silentone says, in that being a child of the late 70s, I like a lot of what my parents listened to then - the thing is, I didn't find this out until many years later because I spent most of my teen years listening to classical and jazz music (classical was piped into my incubator at hospital, apparently). For instance, I hadn't heard Moody Blues for about 20 years and then a couple of years ago someone sent me "Nights in White Satin" and as soon as it came on I had an electric thrill, realising I knew it and could nearly sing it because as a toddler I liked it. This has happened repeatedly in recent years as I've been rediscovering the old music.
Sounds like your little one has been sampling the delights of La Linea 2008. I went for Bajofondo myself. She will have impeccable taste in music. Good luck for these last few weeks. I'll be thinking of you!
wow!! how time flies!!! wishing you and little one lots of good health and joy....
btw, can you access my blog?
Thank you all. Childwoman, no I can't because it's protected.
oohh...I will need just your username, I need to add it to the access list?
Username is planethalder.
can now?
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